When Sabbath is Hard
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 11:29
The way we talk about Sabbath sometimes—as a time for rest, celebration, worship, and community—doesn’t always jive with my reality. If I assume that Sunday is the day, as it is for most Christians, that I observe the Sabbath, then I have to admit that it often doesn’t seem to measure up to those ideals. Sometimes better descriptors are stress, boredom, guilt, and loneliness. I’m not saying that going to church automatically conjures up those feelings—at least not usually. I love my pastor and my church community. But there are times. Sometimes Sunday is my most challenging day of the week. Sometimes I long for Monday!
For the last couple of years, my husband and I have had to add an extra two hours of driving each Sunday in order to pick up his 90(plus) year-old mother and bring her to church. As much as we love her, this is typically the opposite of “restful.” Sometimes there are relational tensions or unpleasant duties. There is often a low level of grief around my children’s absence from church and all that that represents. When my kids were little, going to church was often hard because of missed naps and trying to keep them from annoying other adults with their questions and wiggles. I rarely heard a sermon all the way through. It seems each stage of life has its own challenges.
Since I don’t do regular work on the Sabbath, you might expect that I would delight in—well, not working. But I love my work! Currently, most of my work as a grad student is reading. My husband thinks I may actually be addicted to reading. So I decided this year, as part of my rule of life, to not read on Sundays. Instead, I often spend time walking in the woods alone, taking a long nap, or playing card games with the kids. I love all of that! But I am antsy. I miss my books. The minute the sun goes down, I rush to my reading chair to get my missed fix.
Now Saturdays? My favorite. Sleeping in, doing whatever I feel like, reading, sipping coffee in my jammies, strolling the farmer’s market, and then coming home and reading some more. Now, that’s good stuff. So, I’ve wondered if I should consider Saturday my actual Sabbath and Sunday a day of service. If, as Jesus said, “Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath,” then Saturday’s my me day.
But I don’t think God had “me-ism” in mind either. The purpose of the Sabbath is not the pursuit of pleasure, but of holiness. “Remember the Sabbath, to keep it holy.” We interrupt our patterns not just because it is good for our bodies, but because it is good for our souls. I need rest and connection with God for the sake of His glory and His kingdom. Jesus famously infuriated the Pharisees by healing people on the Sabbath. He showed up in synagogues where the conversations could get much dicier than anything I’ve ever experienced at church, even during Covid. He tended to people on the fringes, just like He did every other day, and the faux shepherds passed judgment. If Jesus was modeling something here, it certainly wasn’t self-gratification. Nor was it legalism. He continually channeled the Father’s love—especially on the Sabbath.
So I ask myself, what better way for me to practice being His disciple than to care for those who are most needy? When I listen to my mother-in-law tell the same story that she just told me five minutes ago and I can smile at her with love, I am being Jesus to her. When I think of my children during the Prayers of the People and ask God to please do what I cannot for them, I am in sync with His heartbeat. If I hold a frantic mother’s child at church for a few minutes so she can rest, I am caring for God’s precious lambs. When I make myself take a break from school and reading, I can see the world with fresh eyes. I believe that showing up and being obedient even when we don’t know why it matters ultimately brings deeper rest to our souls.
Rest doesn’t always feel the way that we think it should. Rest comes from trusting God. Sometimes that requires action and sacrifice rather than sipping coffee and lounging around in our favorite jammies. Some of us (ahem, me) need to break from our self-indulgence and actively pursue the deeper rest of surrender. So for now, although I think it makes sense for some people to choose another day of the week for Sabbathing, I stick with Sunday knowing that rest, celebration, worship, and community can sometimes feel a bit messy and unsatisfying in the short term. What I am ultimately striving for is a Sabbath heart—one that is rooted in rest—no matter what my circumstances are.
And that is why I sometimes go on silent retreats.
Next post: retreats. I believe that those who are unable to get adequate time away from the many demands of service to others (caregivers and pastors fit this category) must schedule retreats. Same for workaholics who have wrapped their identity around what they do rather than who they are. Just like Jesus who went up on the mountains or into the desert at times to pray, we sometimes need a little more than our sporadic prayer times or frazzled Sabbaths can give us.
